Sunday, April 19, 2009
A Necessary Presence
When I suggested, "I can make something for a present" a month ago and you said yes, sure, I was desperate. Creative rut for months and months on end, nothing to show except half-withered dreams and dry bones in a valley. I needed something, anything, to prove to myself that I hadn't lost one of the most precious things in my life - the ability to create something out of nothing, beautiful things out of the unexpected.
And we discussed designs. You talked, I sketched. Slowly, the ideas started coalescing - sluggishly, it's true, but they were there. That was the important thing.
But oh, it wasn't easy, trying to create again. And you sat through it all - the venting, the tears, the frustration at being unproductive, and you told me that eventually, I would be all right. You didn't understand much of it, but you tried anyhow - even down to shopping for supplies in a part of town you regarded as an absolute nightmare, but braved still because you were stubborn and thought it was only right you did so.
At the time it seemed impossible that I'd ever weather this barren period. But you believed in me anyway even when I didn't believe in myself.
And you were right. The creativity came back. Slowly, painfully, but it drifted, settled, and suddenly it was there one morning after I'd finished Shakti. It was such a good feeling after being so dry for so long.
I couldn't have done it without you there to scold me, to make sure my head was on straight, to listen when I needed an outlet, to remind me that it wasn't the end of the world just yet.
Thank you, acushla. For being there, and for getting me started all over again.
And to Carol, Jer, Jenn, Becca, Eloise and Laura and the rest of you who've been there through the whole ordeal and weathered it through with me: thank you all so much. All of you have been necessary presences for which I am so grateful.