I cannot. I could not.
Two new years: one over, one drawing to its final fifteenth day.
Forever. Never. Two words poles and poles apart, magnetized by their very disparity. Who knew that it was so easy to switch from one to the other, just with the elimination of three letters and a replacement?
It’s time to evaluate again – the measure of a life, the measure of a season, the measure of time that’s left before it’s too late. Let’s face it – there’s always time to evaluate, we just don’t want to do it because it involves a peculiar brand of brutal honesty. The ability to be comfortable with oneself requires the focused gaze of an electron microscope and the surgical skill to prune away dead matter. Not always pretty. Not always ideal. Oftentimes, the reality can be far worse than our rose-coloured glasses have led us to believe.
Uncomfortable truths. Prickly bones of contention.
Necessity.
Ugly, ugly little word, that – takes effort to spell, takes even more mental constitution to put into practice some days.
Last year was a chapter closing for many things in my life – some expected, others not. I can’t lie and say that most of it was welcome, or that I handled some of it with anything less than unmitigated stupidity and boneheadedness. In the end, life went on and so did I.
And now, looking into a new year with its new influx of uncertainties and change, I wonder if I have the capacity to make good on the lessons learned from 2008 – to be kinder, to be more mature, to be bolder, to step into a whole new season and move on with no regrets. To look back, without heartburnings.
Old friends, new friends, old lives, new lives. None of these stand alone; in the grand scheme of things it’s all intertwined like the complicated ecology of a tropical rainforest. When the non-essentials are pared down, what’s left is the core of all these combined elements – the sometimes-shaky, unsure, sometimes-arrogant, stubborn-beyond-measure will of steel that’s me.
They say that labels can be derogatory – I don’t disagree with this. But some labels remind us of where we’ve come from and where we’ve been, and in their own way, they’re badges on the battle scar coats we carry around with us.
So here’s to 2009, with its vagaries and quirks and eccentricities – to the precious friends I have, to the friends I’ve met, to everyone who’s invested time and effort into my life, to new experiences and to challenges that might make the Titanic seem small. Here’s to love, craziness and fun, and everything that’s made me what I am: the Great Unknown, the Intoxicating Artsy Techie Emo Geek Babe, the Artist, the Writer, the Bitch, the Crazy One, the Friend, and the Spindle Girl.
Here’s to you, my friends. Thank you and I love y’all.
